This week, we’re excited to feature a blog series by Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, co-author with her father Dr. Arch Hart of the soon to be released title, The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. Whether you work in a clinical, pastoral, or lay care-giving setting, Dr. Frejd’s insights about technology and relationships have both personal and professional application.

“Authentic connection is described as the core of psychological well-being and is the essential quality of growth fostering and healing relationships,” Janet L. Surrey writes.

God has created us for authentic connection and meaningful attachments—the kind of connection that has the power to secure, grow, free and transform us. Research shows that human connection is one of the keys to happiness. So the question is how can all the connecting done through the digital world provide us with the lasting connections we need to be fulfilled and secure?

MIT Professor Sherry Turkle has written extensively on the impact of technology on our relationships and she believes that we’re designing technology that will give us the illusion of friendship without the demands of companionship.

Three Illusions of Digital Technology

• We’ll have attention everywhere.
• We’ll always be heard.
• We’ll never have to be alone.

This digital age is helping us to connect with extended relationships, but it is also causing us to disconnect from our most important intimate relationships—the ones that live under the same roof.

We are sacrificing conversations for connections. For sustaining intimate relationships, we need to have conversations and not just connections. We are not learning the give-and-take of real conversation. Instead, we craft, edit, and tweak our texts, emails and posts.

And it seems that the less face-to-face communication you have with people, the worse your real social skills will probably become. More specifically, are teens and young adults developing healthy relationship skills and the emotional intelligence needed to sustain a healthy marriage?

One teenager insightfully described it like this:

Lots of my friends are more comfortable texting than they are talking and having real relationships. They have trouble with face-to-face intimacy because they’re so used to living with their lives online and in text messages. Texting feels safer than telling someone face to face what you feel.

Yes, texting does feel safer because you don’t really have to say what you really feel, but it isn’t a real conversation. Real conversations are hard work they are messy, challenging, unpredictable and time consuming, but they are worth it.

Reasons We Like our E-communication

• They are simple and easy to use.
• They exploit our senses by drawing us toward their appealing and entrancing brilliant visual displays and crystal clear sounds.
• They make us feel as though we are anonymous since nobody can see us.
• They exploit the fact that any communication without physical cues allows us to feel unencumbered and unconcerned about the impact we are having on the human being receiving our message.
• They are always available through many devices.

This leads us to another important aspect of the digital invasion – Facebook affairs. A recent study shows as many as one in five divorces now involve Facebook affairs. Thousands of marriages are in trouble this very moment because someone fueled an improper relationship on the Internet.

As we have listened to many stories about Facebook affairs most people are saying the same thing: “I don’t know how this happened. I thought we were okay. How did I get into this mess?” Be aware that it could happen to you so place boundaries in order that it does not.

Steps to Preventing Facebook Affairs

• Set your relationship status to married – never try to mislead those you connect with on Facebook.
• Don’t friend ex-boyfriends or girlfriends.
• Be honest with your spouse about everything you do on the Internet.
• Share your user name and password with your spouse.
• Post pictures of your spouse and family on your profile page. 

True intimacy requires you share your feelings, your thoughts, and your heart. Real-life encounters are worth the effort and will bring glory to God and help your relationships thrive and flourish.

Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd works as a counselor, Flourish in Real Life and Relationships Coach and coach trainer, and is also certified in Internet Addiction. Her newest book co-authored with her father Dr. Archibald Hart is entitled The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. She has also published a workbook called Overcoming Digital Addictions: A Digital Wellness Plan. Sylvia is a presenter at the World and National Conferences for the American Association of Christian Counselors and is featured on the Life Coach Training DVD’s. She lives in historic Fredericksburg, Virginia with her husband Russ of 29 years; they have 3 children, Ashley 23, Robbie 21 and Daniel 18. For more information about The Digital Invasion, visit www.TheDigitalInvasion.com or e-mail DrSylvia@TheDigitalInvasion.com.

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Flowers, flags, parades and picnics. This upcoming weekend we will remember. Memorial Day is time of remembering the more than 3.9 million men and women who have bravely given the ultimate sacrifice to guarantee our freedom — their lives. It is a day where “We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them.” Francis A. Walker

We were created with an amazing capacity to remember. Sometimes our memories haunt us. They are painful and filled with hurts that require a journey of deep healing. Often the healing is mostly about changing our focus from grievous experiences to the faithfulness of God.

Paul challenges us to think often about, and remember, the good things. “…whatever is true… honorable… just… pure… lovely… commendable… think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8 ESV)

It is interesting that the word remember is used over 150 times in the Bible. Like the church of Ephesus in Revelation 2, we have the propensity to forget our first love — to forget God — to forget His fidelity and His faithfulness in our everyday life. And like that church, the spirit of God calls us to remember…

“…remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after. So shall you remember and do all my commandments, and be holy to your God.” (Number 15:39-40 ESV)

“Remember the wondrous works He (God) has done…” (1 Chronicles 16:12 ESV)

“Remember the LORD, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” (Nehemiah 4:14 ESV)

“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” (Psalm 143:5 ESV)

“I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your words.” (Psalm 119:16 ESV)

Celebrating the good reminds us of His faithfulness, especially during times of brokenness. “His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.” (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV)

Set up some “memorial days” in your life. Times where you stop, commemorate, and remember the good things of God.

“Remembering” just might turn your life around.

This week, we’re excited to feature a blog series by Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, co-author with her father Dr. Arch Hart of the soon to be released title, The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. Whether you work in a clinical, pastoral, or lay care-giving setting, Dr. Frejd’s insights about technology and relationships have both personal and professional application.

“Spending an evening on the World Wide Web is much like sitting down to a dinner of Cheetos…two hours later your fingers are yellow and you’re no longer hungry, but you haven’t been nourished” (Clifford Stoll).

Internet addiction is probably the most common and fastest growing addiction of our modern time. Internet use, overuse, and abuse have been among the most concentrated areas of psychological investigation for the past ten years. Everyone is at risk for becoming hooked to his or her digital device and being pulled into overuse of the cyber world and developing a digital addiction. But there are certain individuals who are at higher risk.

Risk Factors for Digital Addictions

• Individuals with other (past or present) addictions such as drugs, food, alcohol, smoking, or sex.

Individuals with other psychological difficulties such as anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. Digital use may be a temporary escape from feelings of sadness, shame, loneliness, or stress.

• People with relationship difficulties. These users may be drawn to the more social aspects of the Internet (chat rooms, online gaming, message boards, Facebook, etc.)
• Highly intelligent people. Individuals who are not intellectually challenged by their job or schoolwork.
• People with extended periods of non-structured time. This may include stay-at-home parents, university students, and young children with few after school activities, retired individuals and people who work from home.

One of the hardest issues to overcome in terms of treatment for Internet Addiction Disorder is breaking through the Internet addict’s denial of the problem. One mom we interviewed shared with us how her Internet addiction had impacted her family. Week by week, her use of Facebook increased while her two small girls played in another room.

At first, she would feel guilty about neglecting her children, but each time she went back to her computer she would tell herself it was only for a quick check on her Facebook. But before she realized it, an hour or more had passed. Then one day, after one of her children had fallen and hurt themselves, she had a sudden wake-up call. She asked herself, “What if while I was Facebooking one of my children had a serious accident?” She immediately took steps to limit her Facebook and Internet time.

 Signs You May Have a Digital Addiction 

• Often staying online longer than intended.
• Neglecting work or school responsibilities.
• Spending more time with online friends than real world friends and family.
• Arguing with others about your use.
• Feeling guilty about the amount of time spent online.
• Unsuccessfully trying to cut back on your computer use.
• Lying about your gaming or online activity.
• Feeling anxious or irritable when gaming or online time is cut short.
• Neglecting sleep, diet, and exercise so that you can spend more time online.

Similar to alcoholism, the Internet addict must first realize the addiction and be motivated to seek help. Many people believe the only way to cure Internet addiction is to pull the plug, cut the modem wire, or throw out the computer. But think again. Going “cold turkey” is not feasible for most people, as digital use impacts every aspect of our business and social life. Keep a digital usage log for a few weeks to assess the problematic applications. Once that is assessed, maintain moderate and controlled use of the Internet while abstaining or limiting the problematic or addictive application.

Research has shown the most effective treatment plan for overcoming digital addiction is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This treatment is based on the premise that thoughts determine feelings. Facing one’s feelings and the underlying issues that led to the addiction is essential. This model helps to explain how negative self-thoughts can fuel the compulsive behavior associated with the addiction.

The most common negative emotions present in those with digital addictions are depression and anxiety. Since the Internet is a productive tool when used properly, it is important to find a balance between Internet use and other life activities. The treatment model is similar for eating disorders. Focus on identifying triggers for binge behavior and then re-learn how to use technology in moderation.

Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd works as a counselor, Flourish in Real Life and Relationships Coach and coach trainer, and is also certified in Internet Addiction. Her newest book co-authored with her father Dr. Archibald Hart is entitled The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. She has also published a workbook called Overcoming Digital Addictions: A Digital Wellness Plan. Sylvia is a presenter at the World and National Conferences for the American Association of Christian Counselors and is featured on the Life Coach Training DVD’s. She lives in historic Fredericksburg, Virginia with her husband Russ of 29 years; they have 3 children, Ashley 23, Robbie 21 and Daniel 18. For more information about The Digital Invasion, visit www.TheDigitalInvasion.com or e-mail DrSylvia@TheDigitalInvasion.com.

This week, we’re excited to feature a blog series by Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, co-author with her father Dr. Arch Hart of the soon to be released title, The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. Whether you work in a clinical, pastoral, or lay care-giving setting, Dr. Frejd’s insights about technology and relationships have both personal and professional application.

If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for the AACC CounselTalk Webinar on The Digital Invasion—this Tuesday, 6-8 p.m. EDT. We’ll be featuring Dr. Hart and Dr. Frejd live from our studios! Click here to register now!

“When I’m online I forget about my problems – it doesn’t matter that I hate my job or that my wife and I are always fighting. I forget all this and escape into a world I have control over. But eventually, I have to return to the real world…” John, age 43

“I always plan to play for just a few minutes – an hour at most. But before I know it I have been playing for hours. The whole night is gone and I am exhausted the next day.” Jason, age 18

“My children argue with me and tell me to stop. I know that I am not giving them the attention that they deserve, but I convince myself that it is just a harmless distraction. I hate how I’m behaving, but I just can’t stop.” Regina, age 35

Can you identify with any of these people’s statements above? If so, you are not alone. In our digital world today it is not so much about “if” you are addicted but “how bad” do you have it. If we are honest, many of us are addicted to our digital gadgets and online applications. On an average day, most people spend 8.5 hours looking at a screen, which meets the criteria for a digital addiction.

The much-anticipated DSM-V will be released this week, and not surprisingly, will include Internet Addiction Disorder. Many believe this is the most common and fastest growing addiction in our modern time.

The following serves as a definition of Internet Addiction Disorder as defined in the DSM-V.

• Excessive use often associated with a loss of sense of time or a neglect of basic drives, starting at 38 hours a week
• Withdrawal, including feelings of anger, tension, and/or depression when the computer is inaccessible
• Tolerance, including the need for better computer equipment, more software, or more hours of use
• Negative repercussions, including arguments, lying, poor achievement, social isolation, and fatigue

So why is Internet addiction considered a serious national health crisis? One of the main reasons is because our digital technology is both useful and destructive at the same time. Our digital technology that makes our life easier and offers so much entertainment is also damaging our bodies and our relationships.

For example, Internet addicts have 10-20% smaller brain areas responsible for speech, memory, motor control, emotion, sensory processing, and other information. This loss is cumulative so the more you use, the more you lose. Digital stress keeps our cortisol levels raging and this excess cortisol can cause obesity, diabetes, heart disease, anxiety, and depression. With Internet Addiction Disorder also comes an increase in ADHD, OCD, and Impulse Control Disorders. It impacts our relationships, and oftentimes, our virtual relationships are superseding our real life relationships, leaving many isolated and depressed.

Internet addiction among children is also a growing concern, with adolescents being twice as likely to become addicted. This addiction is similar to drug and alcohol addictions, in that it offers children and adolescents a way to escape painful feelings or troubling situations. They sacrifice needed hours of sleep to spend time online and withdraw from family and friends to escape into a comfortable online world that they have created and shaped.

This is how the digital addiction cycle is played out. Every time you get a text, email, tweet or Facebook post, your brain gets a hit of dopamine…and just like a gambler you keep looking for the next hit. So, you keep checking your Smartphone to see if you will get a hit. It’s called intermittent reinforcement and it is fertile soil to produce a digital addiction.

Licensed psychologist and researcher Dr. Kimberly Young shares, “Researchers have noted that the consequences of technology addictions are similar to the consequences of chemical addictions such as drugs or alcohol and can include financial problems, job loss, and relationship breakdowns.”

Dr. Young provides a case study that demonstrates the financial and relationship problems that can occur as the result of addiction. Addictions are dangerous because they remove us from our true feelings and provide a form of escape from the unpleasant aspects of life. In many cases, one uses the Internet excessively in order to cope with social situations that are out of control. For instance, a husband who is unhappy with his marriage could swamp his life with Internet activities. Similarly, someone who is not performing well at work could find an escape in the digital world.

If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for the AACC CounselTalk Webinar on The Digital Invasion—this Tuesday, 6-8 p.m. EDT. We’ll be featuring Dr. Hart and Dr. Frejd live from our studios! Click here to register now!

Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd works as a counselor, Flourish in Real Life and Relationships Coach and coach trainer, and is also certified in Internet Addiction. Her newest book co-authored with her father Dr. Archibald Hart is entitled The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships. She has also published a workbook called Overcoming Digital Addictions: A Digital Wellness Plan. Sylvia is a presenter at the World and National Conferences for the American Association of Christian Counselors and is featured on the Life Coach Training DVD’s. She lives in historic Fredericksburg, Virginia with her husband Russ of 29 years; they have 3 children, Ashley 23, Robbie 21 and Daniel 18. For more information about The Digital Invasion, visit TheDigitalInvasion.com or e-mail DrSylvia@TheDigitalInvasion.com.

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month. Actually, it has been for over 60 years. Surprised? Me too. It’s not something we talk about every day…particularly in some church settings.

Tragically, the topic of mental health has long been taboo. The National Institute of Mental Health states that a full 25% of Americans are diagnosable with one or more mental illnesses. One in four. People you know. Your friends. Neighbors. Maybe even loved ones. Despite this grave statistic, and even with an entire month dedicated to bringing light to this often neglected topic, the challenges and reality of mental illness still do not get appropriate attention. Not from government officials, not from the community, and certainly not from the church.

It seems that despite the words out of the mouth of Jesus Himself that we (His followers) would have troubles (John 16:33), the Christian community often times blames mental illness on sin or a lack of faith. And while there are certainly areas of sin that tie into negative emotions (such as an affair leading to anxiety), all negative emotions are not a result of sin. Likewise with lack of faith. Sure, we do allow fear and worry, doubt and insecurities to creep in when we do not have our eyes focused on the Lord, but that does not mean that all of these emotions (and others) are a result of lack of faith.

But what is even more problematic, in my opinion, is when those who have severe or chronic mental illness are portrayed to not only have a sin problem or a faith problem…but as individuals who are oppressed or possessed by the devil. This particular article is not about how to differentiate mental illness from demonic activity, but I do seek to offer some guidance as to how Christian counselors can help the church body help unmask the shame of mental illness. Here are a few tips:

1. Remember that mental illness is illness and identify it as such. In the same way that most people would not claim that cancer is due to sin. In the same way that most people would be willing to take insulin if they had diabetes. In the same way that most people would have their appendix removed if it ruptured. So should we identify mental illness as an illness that warrants appropriate medical attention.

2. Educate others on about mental illness, in particular those who have influence over congregations, such as pastors and other ministerial staff. Educate these folks on the difference between Pastoral/Biblical Counseling and Mental Health Counseling. Educate them on how to manage crises in the church. Make sure they have access important resources (such as the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255). Be there to support these folks as they support congregants with mental illness.

3. Recognize that God supplies all of our needs (Phil. 4:17) and that sometimes those needs are best met through means beyond what we, as Christian counselors, can supply. If serving as a lay counselor, take note of your own competency and when someone has a need that lies outside of your knowledge and training, refer. We must collaborate with other professionals. We must be open to our clients taking mental health medication. We must be open to looking at our clients from a holistic approach.

As counselors, but more importantly as Christians, God calls us to comfort others. He tells us in 2 Corinthians that He comforts us so that we can comfort others. But comfort is an action. We need to get involved. We must pray, but we must also remember that mental illness is illness, we need to educate others about this truth, and we must work together to help those with mental illness. We can’t just refer those with mental illness into the community and then forget about them. We need to walk alongside them each step of the way. So, let’s work together to help take off the mask of shame that covers mental illness. Not just in May, but all year round.

Laurel Shaler is a Licensed Social Worker with a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision from Regent University. She currently teaches in counseling programs for Capella University, Clemson University, and Liberty University. Additionally, she writes and speaks to women in an effort to help them anchor their emotions to God and achieve abundant life in Christ. She and her husband, Nick, make their home in the Upstate of South Carolina where they are active in community and church. They love spending time with friends and family, especially their two rambunctious nephews. Laurel can be found blogging on her website at www.drlaurelshaler.com. You can connect with her on facebook at www.facebook.com/drlaurelshaler or on Twitter (@DrLaurelShaler).

38 years in a bed. Next to a pool. Sounds relaxing doesn’t it? But as we read on, the story says the man was alone and horribly crippled. Probably twisted feet, pencil thin legs and atrophied muscles barely covered by a thin blanket. Why? Because this was the pool of Bethesda near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem. There was something miraculous about this pool. Periodically the water stirred, and the first one into it was instantly healed.

Suddenly a commotion just inside the gate caused everyone to turn and look. A Man, followed by a large crowd, walked through one of five alcoves. With humble determination, He moved to the crippled man’s side. Whispers fill the air. “Is it Him?” some ask. Every ear strains to hear what He might say as He kneels tenderly next to the man. And then, with a quiet strong voice full of power and grace, He asked, “Do you want to be healed?”

The broken man feebly hangs his head and utters an interesting reply, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.” His answer only goes to affirm the depths of his hopelessness. Not “yes” or even “no”. Just discouragement and despair…

Even more interesting is the edict He gives in response. “Get up, take your bedroll, start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bedroll and walked off. (John 5:1-9 MSG)

Jesus asked him — Do you want to be healed? Each of us, at some point in our lives, have heard Him ask us the same question. Whether it’s physically… emotionally… relationally… or spiritually. Too often, we answer with the same timidity he did. Our pain is too deep. The hurt has been lodged in our heart for way too long. The doctors have tried everything. Hopelessness fills our souls…

When you really think about it, healing starts with a choice. And it is always for His glory.

Meditate on these words. Treasure them up and ponder them in your heart:

“But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5 ESV)

“O LORD, my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.” (Psalm 30:2 ESV)

“Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” (Jeremiah 17:14 ESV)

“And many followed Him. And He healed them all.” (Matthew 12:15 ESV)

“He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2:24 ESV)

“Do you want to be healed?” The next time He asks you that heartfelt question, reflect on these verses before you answer.

And yes, He is always waiting and willing to turn our lives around.

Assessment is an essential element in counseling. The purpose of assessment is to determine the problems or issues individuals and families are facing and the possible factors that might be creating, contributing to, or exacerbating the problem. Multidimensional or biopsychosocial-spiritual assessment seeks to understand clients’ symptoms and to determine the physical, emotional, social, behavioral, and spiritual levels of functioning of clients within their context. Since Christian counseling involves integrating a biblical worldview throughout the counseling process, determining a client’s religious beliefs and worldviews is key to effective Christian counseling. So, how do you conceptualize spiritual assessment?

According to Jones (2006), it is essential to determine the client’s spiritual location. First and foremost, spiritual assessment involves determining a client’s spiritual condition. Usually, Christian counselors seek to discover their clients’ religious background, specifically, whether they identify themselves as born again Christians or not. Thomas and Sosin (2011) assert that “assessing a counselee’s relationship with God is more helpful than knowing about his church background” (p. 351). Therefore, it is important for Christian counselors to determine how involved Christian clients are in church, how they practice the various spiritual disciplines, and if possible, ascertain their level of spiritual maturity.

The parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) can serve as a framework to assess a client’s spiritual condition. In this parable, in addition to God’s unconditional love for humankind, we can identify three possible places where people might be in their spiritual journey. The three places are: (1) rebellion; (2) repentance; and (3) reconciliation. In this very well known story, Jesus tells us of a man who experienced life in all three of these places.

The Place of Rebellion

The story starts with the prodigal son’s unusual request as he asked his father for his share of the inheritance (Luke 15:11-12). At this point is his spiritual journey, the son was in the place of rebellion. He moved away from the father. He was self-centered and he spent his money on worldly pleasures (Luke 15:13). Thus, the place of rebellion is a place where people are self-absorbed and move away from the Heavenly Father.

As Christian counselors, we need to determine if our clients are living in spiritual rebellion. One of the definitions of sin is that sin is rebellion against God. Due to sin, people follow the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). They live self-centered, pleasure-seeking lives and tend to focus on their own plans, dreams, and desires. Ultimately, much like the prodigal son, they end up feeling empty (Luke 15:17). As counselors, we need to ask questions about our clients’ habits, plans, and goals for their lives to determine whether they are lost, and consequently, moving away from the Heavenly Father.

The Place of Repentance

The prodigal son found himself in the place of repentance (Luke 15:17), which is an essential place for anyone to experience God’s grace and life transformation. The young man realized that his situation was helpless and recognized that his sin was first against God. Furthermore, in the place of repentance, the prodigal reflected upon his life choices as he remembered his previous situation with his father (Luke 15:18-19). The place of repentance was a place where his heart was contrite and his mind was renewed. Therefore, he resolved to return home to his father. Thus, the place of repentance is a place where people renounce and relinquish their sinful lifestyle and move towards the Heavenly Father.

As Christian counselors, we will need to assess if our clients have experienced true repentance that leads to salvation. Some clients may come to counseling because they are experiencing true guilt as a result of the Holy Spirit’s conviction in their lives (John 16:8-11). Therefore, asking them about their relationship with God, their view of sin, and their attitudes and personal behaviors should give an indication whether they are experiencing conviction to move towards the Heavenly Father.

The Place of Reconciliation

True repentance leads to the place of reconciliation. As the son returned home, the father ran to him and the son experienced a redemptive reunion. The prodigal’s return home creates a powerful image of someone approaching the father and seeking to be close to him. The father received the son back and kissed him (Luke 15:21-23). The father’s kiss was a sign of reconciliation and forgiveness as he proclaimed joyfully that his son “was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found” (Luke 15:24). Consequently, the place of reconciliation is a place of redemption where clients can rebuild their lives.

As Christian counselors, we need to assess how our Christian clients are growing in their relationship with God. We are mindful that Christian clients have already experienced reconciliation with the Heavenly Father, but may still have significant areas of unaddressed brokenness in their lives. We may ask questions about their practice of spiritual disciplines such as Bible reading and Christian meditation, participation in worship, prayer, and consistent involvement in regular Bible study groups. Ortberg (2002) emphasizes that practicing these disciplines consistently will lead to closeness with the Heavenly Father and spiritual transformation and growth.

As we meet our clients and assess where they are in their spiritual journeys, we may use the parable of the Prodigal Son as a paradigm to identify their spiritual location. Where are our clients? Are they in the place of rebellion, the place repentance, or the place of reconciliation? Spiritual assessment is very helpful in providing the best possible care. Thus, I encourage you to continue to explore this story and apply it to your counseling practice.

Elias Moitinho, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT, BCPCC serves as Director of M.A. Counseling Licensure Programs, Director of Clinical Training, and Associate Professor of Counseling at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA. Dr. Moitinho has many years of pastoral ministry, counseling, and teaching experience having served in various roles such as pastor, counselor, seminary professor, and director of a Christian counseling center. Prior to joining Liberty he served as the Hope for the Heart chair of Biblical counseling at Southwestern Baptist Theological seminary in Fort Worth, TX. Dr. Moitinho is interested in cross-cultural counseling focusing specifically on the Hispanic/Latino population. In addition to his ministry experience in his native country of Brazil, Dr. Moitinho has taught as guest professor in seminaries in Mexico, Cuba, and Spain. He is an active member of the AACC. His email address is emoitinho2@liberty.edu.

References

Jones, I. (2006). The counsel of heaven on earth: Foundations for biblical Christian counseling. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

Ortberg, J. (2002). The life you’ve always wanted: spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Thomas, J. C., & Sosin, L. (2011). Therapeutic expedition: equipping the Christian counselor for the journey. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Throughout the past week, we have examined the power of belief—the significant impact our view of God holds upon us. In The God-Shaped Brain, I go into detail showing how our view of God changes our brain structure and even gene expression. It really does matter what view of God we hold. As Jesus said, eternal life is knowing God (John 17:3). In this final blog, I will share a small excerpt from the book demonstrating how embracing the God of love actually transforms and empowers one to live a life of genuine love.

“October 2, 2006, started out like so many other days in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania: up early, complete morning chores, a hearty breakfast and then off to school. Thirteen-year-old Marian Fisher and her eleven-year-old sister, Barbie, had no idea what would transpire that day. So off they went, to their one-room school house in the village of Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania.

At 10:25 a.m., Charles Carl Roberts IV, a thirty-two-year-old milk truck driver, entered the school carrying a 9-millimeter pistol. He then ordered the boys he found to carry lumber, a shotgun, a stun gun, wires, chains, nails, tools and other items into the school. Next, he sent out fifteen boys, a pregnant woman and two women with infants, then nailed two-by-fours and two-by-sixes across the entrance. He used strips of plastic and lengths of wire to tie the ankles and wrists of the ten remaining elementary-school students, all girls. It is unclear what his true intentions were, but when the police arrived, he became angry, desperate and increasingly agitated. At 11:07 a.m., when it became obvious he was intent on killing the girls, love stepped in.

Thirteen-year-old Marian Fisher stood up and asked to be shot first. Offering her life in the hope her sister and friends would be set free, she was heard by the survivors to say, “Shoot me and leave the other ones loose.” The gunman shot and killed Marian. No sooner had her lifeless body crumpled to the floor than her eleven-year-old sister, Barbie, stood up and said, “Shoot me next,” also hoping to save the other girls. The gunman then shot Barbie. She was wounded in the hand, leg and shoulder, but survived.

Charles Roberts killed five of the girls and critically wounded the other five before turning the gun on himself, ending his own life. But it’s the incredible selflessness of Marian and Barbie that will be remembered for generations to come. Again we see self-forsaking love at work (John 15:13).

Love is not afraid. Love does not seek to protect itself. Love is outrageous. It gives all for others.

Every day the battle rages—love others or seek self. There are only two options in life, two paths, two destinations, two principles, two choices and, ultimately, two kinds of people. The Bible calls them the “wheat and tares,” “sheep and goats,” “fruitful and withered vine,” “pure woman and harlot,” “righteous and wicked,” “saved and lost.” But at its root, love comes down to focusing more on others than self, giving rather than taking. In every act of life, these two principles—love others or seek self—fight for control of our hearts” (The God-Shaped Brain, p. 205-206).

It is only by coming back to the truth about God, His character of love, His law of love—the design protocol for life, as revealed in Jesus, that we are transformed to love others more than self. Every God concept other than love incites fear, damaging mind, relationships, and health, and incites more self-centered actions.

We have power over what we believe, but what we believe has power over us, power to heal and power to destroy. The question is: What do you believe about God? I invite you to embrace the God who is love and consider The God-Shaped Brain as a tool you can use to assist in your journey to an ever-deepening intimacy with the One who is Love!

Timothy R. Jennings, M.D., is a Christian psychiatrist, master psychopharmacologist, author, international speaker, radio personality, President-Elect of the Tennessee Psychiatric Association, adjunct faculty at the University of Tennessee College of Medicine, Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, Chairman Board of Regents Southern Psychiatric Association, and has a private practice in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Dr. Jennings obtained his M.D. degree in 1990 from the University of Tennessee, College of Medicine in Memphis and completed psychiatric residency at D.D. Eisenhower Army Medical Center in Augusta, Georgia. He is board certified in psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and is licensed to practice medicine in Tennessee, Georgia and Washington. Dr. Jennings was named one of America’s Top Psychiatrists by the Consumer Research Institute of America in 2008, 2010 and 2011. Many of Dr. Jennings’ lectures and written material can be found on his Web site, www.comeandreason.com.

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” -Abraham Lincoln

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” -George Washington

Mother. Every time a child is born – so is a Mother. It has often been said that in that one moment when a mother sees her newborn child for the first time, nine months of discomfort, and the hours of pain and delivery, are completely forgotten. An innate eternal bond is instantly formed that transcends and eclipses all other relationships.

The word “mother” is used nearly 300 times in the Bible and Strong’s Concordance tells us that the word literally means “an intimate relationship… that bestows benefits on another.”

When thinking about how to describe those benefits, bestowed on us by our mothers, this acronym gives us just a glimpse of the depth of who she is.

Mom. The proverbial “first word” of an infant often sounds like “ma” or “mama”. This strong association of that sound with “mother” has persisted in nearly every language on earth. Mum in the United Kingdom. Mam in the Netherlands. Mata in India. Even Mama in Chinese.

No matter how big, or fast, or powerful an athlete is, when they look into the camera what do they always say? “Hi mom!” Affection and love poured out in one simple word – “mom” – no matter what the language.

Others. When you really think it through, many mothers work as many as 90 hours a week. Their job description defies logic. A loving hand on a skinned knee. Miles and miles of taxi service. Applause from the 3^rd row of the 2^nd grade school play. Tears of joy at graduation – whether it is from dance class or a college degree. Dishes…diapers…drama…discipline. Duties all selflessly performed by the person we affectionately call “mother”.

Teacher. Solomon admonishes us to “forsake not your mother’s teaching” Proverbs 1:8 ESV. He goes on to say that those teachings are “a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck” Proverbs 1:9 ESV. Life changing lessons taught during late night talks that shape our character for the rest of our lives.

Honor. The first commandment ever given with a promise was “honor your father and mother” Ephesians 6:2 ESV. Why? “That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (vs 3). The word honor literally means “weighted value”. We are to deeply honor and profoundly value our mothers – and in turn God promises blessings poured out on our lives.

Encourager. Your greatest cheerleader will always be your mom. No matter what. Through thick and thin. Good and bad. Laughter and pain. I am reminded of the instruction Paul gave when he said “encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” 1 Thessalonians 5:14 ESV. Sounds like what a mom does all of the time!

Relationship. What’s interesting is that of the seven phrases Jesus uttered on the cross, one of them was directed to the person who gently pushed Him into public ministry (John 2), and searched frantically for Him when she thought He was lost (Luke 2). She stood with Him at Calvary when virtually everyone else deserted Him. Jesus acknowledged her, and provided for her, even during His tortuous death on the cross of salvation. “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” John 19:26-27 ESV A relationship begun in a manger…confirmed in a miracle…and declared even in mourning. Mother.

My friend Ann Voskamp eloquently puts it like this; “God said ‘I need someone who can shape a soul and find shoes on Sunday and get grass stains out of Levis. Someone with a heart strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.’ So God made a mother.”

Life didn’t come with a manual – it came with a Mother.

This Mother’s Day, love her. Cherish her. Honor her…that it “may go well you and that you may live long in the land”.

It just might turn your life – and hers – around.

This week, we’re excited to feature a blog series by Dr. Tim Jennings, author of the newly-released title, The God-Shaped Brain: How Changing Your View of God Transforms Your Life. Whether you work in a clinical, pastoral, or lay care-giving setting, Dr. Jennings’ insights about spirituality and neurobiology have both personal and professional application.

When you hear the word “law”, what comes to mind? Rules, regulations, guidelines, and legislated enactments to govern society? What about when you think about the “law of gravity” or “laws of health”? Does something else come to mind?

We hear a lot about God’s law—but how do you view it? Do you view God’s law like human law—enacted, imposed, and legislated by an external authority? Or, do you view God’s law as the design protocol upon which the Creator constructed life to operate?

In part two of our four-part series on The God-Shaped Brain, we documented that Scripture, science and experience all demonstrate that God’s law is the law of love, the design protocol upon which life is built.

But many God-fearing people have a different view of God’s law. All too often it is seen as a list of rules, an imposed set of requirements put upon us to control our behavior. Does it really make a difference which view we hold? Absolutely!

Consider an IV heroin user, who purposely breaks the “law,” both the “natural” laws of health and the “imposed” laws of human government. The user, from this destructive “sinful” choice, gets endocarditis, an infection of the interior of his heart. This is a life threatening condition. If not remedied, the infection can cause stroke, heart failure and death.

Does the heroin user want to go before the “judge” to have the “truth” come out and “deal” with what the “imposed” law requires? Why not? Because imposed law requires the judicial authority to inflict external punishment.

In contrast, does this sick and suffering drug user want to go see the doctor and have the truth of their condition come out, and deal with what the “law of health” requires? Why? Because the law of health require healing. The doctor will not seek to punish, but will work to restore the sick patient back into harmony with the law of health, the way life was built to operate.

Does it make a difference how we view God and His law?

When we represent God like a Roman emperor and His law as imposed upon us to control our behavior, we present a god-construct that incites fear and obstructs healing of mind and soul. Rather than showing God as a being of love, who cared so much He sent His Son, not “to condemn the world but to save the world” (John 3:17), imposed law constructs present God as a cruel judge undermining love and trust.

Such ideas make Him out to be a cosmic tyrant who must use His divine power to inflict punishment upon His children. Who really wants to get close to such a god?

But when we present God as the Creator, the Builder, the Designer who constructed His universe to operate in harmony with His nature of love, then we realize God is acting through Christ to heal, restore and save His creation.

When we present God as a being a God of love, we open the door for suffering souls to come back to their Heavenly Physician for healing, cleansing and restoration in righteousness.

Does it matter which view we choose? Absolutely! The view of God we hold changes us. It impacts our ability to trust Him. If we view God as a being of love, as revealed in Christ, and worship such a God, the brain’s love circuits grow stronger, and the fear circuits calm. But when we present God as a severe judge, a being who waits to inflict torture upon His children, a being who must be pled with in order to be kind, we activate the brain’s fear circuits and not only cause inflammation, disease and early death, but obstruct reconciliation with God.

In The God-Shaped Brain How Changing Your View of God Transforms Your Life, I examine through Scripture, science and real patient experiences the marked differences that divergent God concepts have upon our physical, mental and relational health. The evidence from all three threads confirms that God is love! With so many different views of God being taught, I invite you to consider this book a tool to assist in your journey to an ever-deeper intimacy and friendship with God.

Timothy R. Jennings, M.D., is a Christian psychiatrist, master psychopharmacologist, author, international speaker, radio personality, President-Elect of the Tennessee Psychiatric Association, adjunct faculty at the University of Tennessee College of Medicine, Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, Chairman Board of Regents Southern Psychiatric Association, and has a private practice in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Dr. Jennings obtained his M.D. degree in 1990 from the University of Tennessee, College of Medicine in Memphis and completed psychiatric residency at D.D. Eisenhower Army Medical Center in Augusta, Georgia. He is board certified in psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and is licensed to practice medicine in Tennessee, Georgia and Washington. Dr. Jennings was named one of America’s Top Psychiatrists by the Consumer Research Institute of America in 2008, 2010 and 2011. Many of Dr. Jennings’ lectures and written material can be found on his Web site, www.comeandreason.com.