Adultery

A quick reference with counseling wisdom and biblical insights to help make you more effective at what you do.

We love being a part of your life!

Tim Clinton, Ed.D.
President, AACC

Aug 4 – Aug 10

Adultery

Action Step

1. Prayer
Each spouse should seek daily time before God in prayer, reading the Scriptures and asking Him for the ability to grow in Christ-like attitudes and actions.
2. No Contact
The unfaithful spouse must have no contact whatsoever with the third party. Like an addiction, the only way out is to go cold turkey.
3. Commitment
The unfaithful spouse must be willing to make a radical commitment to regain the trust that has been broken.
4. New Lifestyle
The unfaithful spouse should commit to a lifestyle of transparency and honesty.
Remind him/her that there is no area that is off limits for inquiry.
5. Forgiveness
The faithful spouse should commit to the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness will be a multi-layered journey and the person will need to make daily decisions to continue to forgive again.
6. Reconciliation
Explain to the couple that forgiveness is required but reconciliation is conditional. Reconciliation is based on true remorse and repentance. While the Bible never commands divorce and many do stay together and heal, some may never be able to work through the brokenness.
7. Wise Counsel
The couple will need to commit to working with a professional counselor who can help them evaluate the communication patterns that may have contributed to the affair.

Biblical Insights

Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well.
Proverbs 5:15

This beautiful metaphor describes the joy of marital fidelity. To “drink water from your own cistern” pictures the marriage partners belonging only to each other, enraptured with each other’s love.

By contrast, to become enraptured by another, to turn to adultery, may feel exciting at first, but will end up being “bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword” (Proverbs 5:4).

God’s Word clearly teaches that married people should keep their vows and remain committed to each other.

Adultery is embracing a false love—it will hurt everyone involved.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

The Bible does not speak against sexual fulfillment—in fact, sexual delight and marital love are exalted in the Song of Solomon. Sexual fulfillment is always depicted in the Bible as within the boundaries of marriage.

Adultery is a great tragedy, for it has severe consequences. People risk all that they have built over a lifetime—marriage, family, ministry, respect, and honor— when they commit adultery. Sexual sin can be very appealing, almost an overwhelming temptation.

The way out is to rejoice in one’s marriage and to be satisfied with one’s spouse’s love (Proverbs 5:18, 19). To violate that commitment will lead to pain, grief, and self-destruction.

“When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God.
Ezekiel 16:8

We can find great comfort in the fact that our heavenly Father can empathize with the pain of someone who has been betrayed by a loved one. Knowing that He understands can help us trust Him in our own hurt and pain.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’”Matthew 5:27

Quoting from Exodus 20:14, Jesus reminded His listeners of the commandment against adultery. Then He said that looking at another person lustfully is committing adultery in one’s heart. Jesus explained that thinking about an act is the same as doing it, because actions begin with thoughts and desires.

Since lust and adultery are first embraced in the mind and heart, believers should try to avoid situations that cause temptation.