by Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., www.rpmbooks.org

I don’t want to simply “give you a fish”: teach you a model of creative grieving. Instead, my intent is to “teach you to fish”: outline a process by which you can develop your own biblical model of creative grieving.

Creative Grieving

Frank Lake powerfully depicts God’s purposes in creative grieving. “There is no human experience which cannot be put on the anvil of a lively relationship with God, and battered into a meaningful shape” (Lake, Clinical Theology, p. 97). Notice what the anvil is—a lively relationship with God. Notice the process—battering. Notice the result—meaning, purpose.

Another individual, this one intimately acquainted with grief, also pictures creative suffering and grieving. You may recall Terry Waite. The British hostage released in 1991 after nearly five years of solitary confinement in Lebanon was chained to the wall of his room for almost twenty-four hours a day. Reflecting on his circumstances, he noted:

I have been determined in captivity, and still am determined, to convert this experience into something that will be useful and good for other people. I think that’s the way to approach suffering. It seems to me that Christianity doesn’t in any way lessen suffering. What it does is enable you to take it, to face it, to work through it and eventually convert it (Waite, Taken on Trust, p 11).

Creative grieving doesn’t simply accept suffering; through the Cross it converts it.

Toward a Theology of Creative Grieving

How do we move from suffering to creative grieving? How do we help others to suffer face-to-face with God rather than turning their backs on God during suffering? To answer these core questions, let’s begin with a theology of suffering.

We need a theology of suffering because the Bible has one, and we don’t. Theologians have developed a theology of Creation—how God designed us. They call it anthropology. They’ve developed well thought through models of sin—how sin marred and depraved us. They call it hamartiology. Theologians teach a theology of redemption—how salvation restores us. They call it soteriology.

Unfortunately, we’re left without a theology of suffering and grieving. Suffering is everywhere in the Bible from Genesis 3 to Revelation 19. Yet, we’ve not done the hard work of studying the Bible to uncover a theology of suffering and a methodology of creative suffering. This must change.

Frank Lake explains why. “The maladies of the human spirit in its deprivations and in its depravity are matters of common pastoral concern” (Lake, Clinical Theology, p. 37). True pastoral/Christian counseling not only studies depravity—the sins we have committed, it also must examine deprivation—the evils we have suffered.

One ancient church writer (St. John of the Cross) describes what happens when we look only at personal sin and neglect or even reject personal suffering. “Incompetent spiritual directors know no way with souls but to hammer and batter them like a blacksmith.” When we talk about depravity and not deprivation, when we talk about sin and not suffering, then we become like Job’s counselors, who Job labeled “miserable comforters.” They mistakenly called his suffering, sin and cruelly claimed that he was suffering because of personal sin.

There’s a second reason why we need to develop a biblical approach to grieving. The world has one, but it’s incomplete and inaccurate. Students of human grief have developed various models that track typical grief responses. However, these models fail to assess whether these responses correspond to God’s process for hurting and hoping.

We must understand something about research in a fallen world. At best, it describes what typically occurs. It cannot, with assurance and authority, prescribe what should occur. Research attempts to understand the nature of human nature are thwarted by the fallenness of our nature and of our world. As Dallas Willard explains:

Secular psychology is not in an “at-best” set of circumstances. The question of who we are and what we are here for is not an easy one, of course. For those who must rely upon a strictly secular viewpoint for insight, such questions are especially tough. Why? Because we do in fact live in a world in ruins. We do not exist now in the element for which we were designed. So in light of that truth, it’s essentially impossible to determine our nature by observation alone, because we are only seen in a perpetually unnatural position (Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines, p. 45).

How We Develop a Biblical Theology of Suffering and Creative Grieving

This leads to the question, “How do we develop a biblical sufferology—a theology of suffering and creative grieving?” Here’s the Reader’s Digest version: to develop a biblical model of suffering and creative grieving we need to read the Bible exploring five core research questions.

1. Biblical Sufferology Question One: “What Pattern of Responding to Suffering Do We Find in Scripture?”

   We need to read the Bible collating how people responded to suffering. As we do, we need to look for patterns, trying hard not to force responses into any preconceived stages.

   In answering this question, we have to realize that not every response is going to be a biblically healthy one. For instance, when Saul responded to his loss of respect compared to David, he reacted by trying to spear David through the heart. Biblical sufferology is not going to say, “Stage two biblical sufferology suggests heart-spearing of perceived enemies!”

2. Biblical Sufferology Question Two: “What Prescriptions Concerning How to Respond to Suffering Do We Find in Scripture?”

   That’s why we ask question two. Here we collate not only the grief response, but also the Bible’s commentary on the wisdom or foolishness of such responses. Clearly, Saul is not applauded as a healthy model.

   So we’re looking here for biblical teaching on healthy grieving—things such as Paul telling us to grieve with hope in 1 Thessalonians 4:13, and to groan with desperate desire in Romans 8:22-23, as well as Jesus modeling godly grief at the death of Lazarus, and godly acceptance in the Garden of Gethsemane.

3. Biblical Sufferology Question Three: “What Procedures for Helping Others to Progress through Suffering Do We Distill from Scripture?”

   Since the Bible teaches truth for life, we also ask a procedural question. Here we look for models of how people helped others to move through grief.

   Sometimes we record negative models such as Job’s miserable comforters. Other times we record positive models such as Paul helping Timothy to come to terms with Paul’s impending death.

4. Biblical Sufferology Question Four: “What Patterns, Prescriptions, and Procedures Have Our Predecessors and Colleagues Discovered in Their Study of Scripture?”

   If we’re arrogant, then we’ll stop at question three and assume that because we examined sufferology, it’s true. If we’re humble, then we’ll continue with question four. What have other students of sufferology found in their biblical research—both our contemporary colleagues and our past predecessors?

   I call this a validity check. If my theory of creative grieving is off base and no one else has ever discovered anything like it in 2,000 years of Church history, then I may want to go back to the drawing board. This is important because while Scripture is inspired, my personal interpretations of Scripture are not.

5. Biblical Sufferology Question Five: “Are These Patterns, Prescriptions, and Procedures Practical in the Real World?”

   If question four is a validity check, then question five is a reality check. Since the Bible is relevant, if our studies are accurate, then they will fit in the real world.

   When we relate them to sufferers, they will be meaningful and even successful. If our approach to suffering seems off the wall to real people with real problems, then we will want to return to the Scriptures to see where our conclusions are deficient.

Learning to Fish Biblically

The typical way of grieving does not typically factor God into the equation. We can face suffering face-to-face with God and we can empower our clients and parishioners to do so if we will develop a biblical theology of suffering and a biblical methodology of creative grieving. Good fishing!